Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
