I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
