brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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