I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize