I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
