tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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