Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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