Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
