Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
