i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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