I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
