when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
