is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I did not marry a roomba.
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