I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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