this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
