Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
