My hand turned me down
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
