she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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