i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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