I got chris browned last night
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
