All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
