I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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