The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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