It's Friday. Sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
