Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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