1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
