pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
