I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
