I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
