We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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