Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i came on her dog
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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