She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
