If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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