i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
