Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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