so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
