I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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