i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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