i just google imaged poop.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
