U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
