Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize