I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
