Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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