i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize