Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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