roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
