He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
