i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't just leave with hair like that
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize