Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize