there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
