i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
