There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am available for nakedness
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
