Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
