i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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