i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
