he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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