nut hugger
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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