Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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