dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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