ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
