my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
