3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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