were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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