I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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