All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
