She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
