i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
