Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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