I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
