he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
